I do not believe in such a thing as falling in love.
There is love. There is being in love. But there can never be falling in love, only falling in infatuation.
Why? You may think me unromantic in saying this.
Falling in love connotes an event in which one falls in a permanent ditch. A ditch of torrid feelings that are supposed to never stop. The riding on the cloud of good feelings. The feeling that you want to spend your days with that person. The feeling that you have to be with them. And supposedly, that never ends. The romance. The feelings.
People who get married within that flush of feelings have not fallen in love. They have fallen in infatuation. Infatuation and love are not, never were, and never will be the same thing.
Yes, those feelings have their place. But you cannot expect them to last forever. This is why you have the "I don't love you anymore" divorces. Those people assumed those feelings would last forever, and then the day to day reality set in and they found they could not deal with not being able to get along with the person. They just "had nothing in common anymore." They "changed." Or they just "couldn't deal with being apart, and they had to choose." Love isn't just a good feeling, and you shouldn't marry when you're just having good feelings and haven't found anything bad about them yet.
Also, love isn't co-dependency. It's not just settling for someone. It's not staying with someone just because you have to have someone in your life. It's not staying with someone just because you decide this is the best you can do. And it definitely is not hitting, cheating, or being a thief/abuser. It is not being insanely jealous when he has lunch with a female coworker, worrying all the time he's going to cheat on you. And I firmly believe that while addicts and those with severe mental illnesses may be capable of actual love and definitely feeling, they must first be free of the addiction and/or control the mental disorder the most it can be before being with anyone else. Until then, they cannot expect to be in a functional relationship with anyone.
Loving someone is, after that first flush of feelings has faded, realizing they have issues and faults, the kind where you wish you could shake them, change them, do something to not drive you crazy. Loving someone is telling them where they're wrong, while still telling them that will not make you stop loving them. Loving them is caring for them when you want to snap and get as far away from them as possible. Love is realizing all of this, all their bad sides, and deciding it does not matter because of their good side. That is what love is. And being in love is realizing this and still having the feelings you had at the beginning, however they come and go. There's never a falling into that. It's a growth process that takes time. And it runs both ways.
Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, brag or boast. Love never fails.
There is love. There is being in love. But there can never be falling in love, only falling in infatuation.
Why? You may think me unromantic in saying this.
Falling in love connotes an event in which one falls in a permanent ditch. A ditch of torrid feelings that are supposed to never stop. The riding on the cloud of good feelings. The feeling that you want to spend your days with that person. The feeling that you have to be with them. And supposedly, that never ends. The romance. The feelings.
People who get married within that flush of feelings have not fallen in love. They have fallen in infatuation. Infatuation and love are not, never were, and never will be the same thing.
Yes, those feelings have their place. But you cannot expect them to last forever. This is why you have the "I don't love you anymore" divorces. Those people assumed those feelings would last forever, and then the day to day reality set in and they found they could not deal with not being able to get along with the person. They just "had nothing in common anymore." They "changed." Or they just "couldn't deal with being apart, and they had to choose." Love isn't just a good feeling, and you shouldn't marry when you're just having good feelings and haven't found anything bad about them yet.
Also, love isn't co-dependency. It's not just settling for someone. It's not staying with someone just because you have to have someone in your life. It's not staying with someone just because you decide this is the best you can do. And it definitely is not hitting, cheating, or being a thief/abuser. It is not being insanely jealous when he has lunch with a female coworker, worrying all the time he's going to cheat on you. And I firmly believe that while addicts and those with severe mental illnesses may be capable of actual love and definitely feeling, they must first be free of the addiction and/or control the mental disorder the most it can be before being with anyone else. Until then, they cannot expect to be in a functional relationship with anyone.
Loving someone is, after that first flush of feelings has faded, realizing they have issues and faults, the kind where you wish you could shake them, change them, do something to not drive you crazy. Loving someone is telling them where they're wrong, while still telling them that will not make you stop loving them. Loving them is caring for them when you want to snap and get as far away from them as possible. Love is realizing all of this, all their bad sides, and deciding it does not matter because of their good side. That is what love is. And being in love is realizing this and still having the feelings you had at the beginning, however they come and go. There's never a falling into that. It's a growth process that takes time. And it runs both ways.
Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, brag or boast. Love never fails.
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