Nothing endures but change

I realize how isolated I feel from a lot of people.

I also realize I've pretty much always been this way. It's not like I can't have a good time with people from high school or something, even the two girls from middle school I've kept sort of in touch with. But as Baxter said, our lives have all gone in different directions to the point where you just can't relate to a lot of people anymore. What does that mean, though, for a person like me, who has always had a hard time relating to others? Do I really understand the people I still call my friends, who were my friends in high school?

It's not that I don't have friends at UF. I have plenty, and I'm reasonably happy with my life now. But as we all know, the true test of friendship---or whatever passes as such----is time. I have had some taste of who actually bothered to keep tabs on me when I was away for the summer. Rebe is one of them. Regi and Sofi I talked to a little bit too, and of course Alex, my profligate sister/fiancee.

But they are what they are, and things work out as what they're meant to work out as.

Amen, and so be it.

Wow...

I'm a junior who has a lot of homework, a temperamental computer, doubts everything and has no luck with the opposite sex. Things are so different from four years ago.

I've started listening to Sara Bareilles. Yes, just now. But I happen to enjoy her music. I also happen to enjoy some of Def Leppard's music, OneRepublic and Lady Gaga. But anyone who knows me would know about the last one.

I'm too lazy to finish out what I was going to write here. But I have a lot of thoughts whirring in my head. I have just been too busy with school to really think about it all.

Food for thought

I once read in one of those "get ready for college books" that the people you were friends with your first year sometimes aren't the ones around by the end of college. Mostly, this hasn't applied to me---the people I was friends with my first year are still around, and I'm not talking just "hi" friends. There is one girl who still thinks that we are friends exactly the same as we were first year, and though I'm still her friend, I just sort of want to be her study buddy for MCB classes and nothing else, though I'm not really sure how to go about doing that.

There is one girl, though, I think that this applies to.

This is the girl who I lived side by side with my first semester here, then visited all the time second semester---this kid who never caused trouble, loved animals, wanted to be a vet. She happened to go to Australia .....and that's when I think things changed. She started getting better grades when she started drinking (reward system?), and did some very stupid things in the process. The main turning point was when she brought back a random guy without my notice at night, when I told her that this would be a problem...if she wasn't going to respect my and Tessa's policy, what else did she not respect? She didn't help when I got sick, though others---including ones who probably shouldn't have dropped by---did. And when she got her purse stolen upon her partying with people she didn't know, she had the guts to say that my situation (I was still on Valium) was easier than hers. I knew right then that if that's the kind of person she was going to be, she didn't need to be my roommate or my friend any longer----good grades did not always equal good person. The last time I spoke to her in person was when I gave her her tests back in August. It was then that I found out she doesn't want to go to vet school anymore. (but is still same major.) Her roommate this year is graduating, and is doing research/other stuff---still parties but is responsible about it. I don't really know her third roommate. Suffice it to say she moved away from her Texan friends and ended up becoming exactly like them.

It does still sort of sting to know that this is one friendship I should not have made. Then again, I realize that even the most in-tight friends will drift apart after awhile. After all, nothing endures but change, which must mean friendships will fade into nothing eventually. People move, people change, people die.

Thankfully, my other friends have so far kept me sane and made me realize that one bad apple doesn't spoil the bunch.

The ramifications of redshirting

I've seen a lot now about how kids with birthdays close to the cutoff are being held back. As someone whose birthday is a shave close to the cutoff line herself, I have plenty to say about that.

It is common knowledge that you should watch a kid's maturity level first and foremost. When my mom tried to start me in 3K, I was having none of it, despite the fact I had been babysat and in the company of kids my age quite a bit by that point. These kids were all ugly and white, not brown like I thought people should be. I thought they were going to try to turn me white too, and the teacher was so mean I couldn't stand it. A year later, they put me in 4K, but the school made me do 3K activities a few times a week. I fit in better with the 4K people, so they let me go on. But I was a crybaby. And though I know part of that is the fact that I was in doctors' offices so much as a little one (which as you can imagine would make most children scared in new situations) I also think part of it had to do with age. I never felt like I was exactly with my peers as far as feelings. I always felt either too far ahead or too far behind them, emotionally. Now I feel like I'm too far ahead and that I'm old before my time, which is so ironic considering I'm the youngest in the class. Maybe this is why I sought the company of those a year younger than me throughout most of my schooling. Had NFC had their way, I would have been in their class anyhow, so it sort of makes sense.

I don't think I would have gained much academically by being redshirted as I would have just going to a different school altogether, and research shows this also (the difference usually closes around the time kids start middle school.) I was an early reader and early talker; I already made the kids in my class feel like they were light years behind me as far as that one. Physically, also; I was always short and relatively weak, though I'm sure had I been kept back one year I would have been at least a little stronger than my classmates. Emotionally, it's hard to say. I don't know what I would have been like without the problems I had.

After watching those around me, I don't think redshirting "always" helps, but it can in some cases. I have seen a few people in the year above me who defffffffinitely would have been helped if they'd been kept back. Boys are usually redshirted more, and I can see how that's a good thing, by observing the boys I've known. The September-born boys were always ahead in some senses (and if they lacked in anything, which they did, they wore it like a badge). The summer boys.....just....don't got swagga'. The same does not hold true for girls, who basically don't show marked intelligence differences across the twelve months. Emotionally, though, I've noticed that a lot of the oldest (September-November) and the youngest girls (July-August) suffer the most cases of insecure attachment. In other words, they are either mistrustful or needy. I can't stand needy people no matter the month they are born, but I definitely identify with the feeling of not being able to take people at their word, and I think some of it is the baby trying to make sure she's not taken advantage of or carted to a point of no return.

The three kids I've known who skipped grades did well like book-wise, but as far as maturity....I have to say, the girls still win. The boy is never going to be as mature as his classmates. And I will not friend him on any site. (Forgive your enemies; never forget their names.)

So my take on redshirting? Case by case obviously, but if I had to make a general statement: keep boys back; keep girls in the grade assigned; watch PTSD kids closely and delay physical activities for the weaklings. Don't make a kid skip a grade unless they can handle it in every sense of the word.

And I am going to bed. Goodnight.

Balance

I like Tessa's title.  But unfortunately, the agent was right.  At least I did read part of what she was saying so Tessa can improve on it. 

School is a lot of work this term.  I am glad I took a leaf out of Emily's book and got two planners.  One for school and one for social.  Because that makes me see things better.  Including the fact that I need to eat and drink water. 

I wish that MCB a) wasn't podcasted this term and b) actually released quiz scores so I know how I'm doing.  At least I've got quite a few people to work with in there, and the best lab partner, who I am very glad has changed into this major and lives the next building over. :)

I was not the only girl who had to turn someone down today.  I do wish there was someone out there that met my standards, but even if there was, would I really have the time for him? And I am glad that I'm not the only girl who has this problem.  Maybe during my residency, or if I take one, a gap year.

Sleep is good.  As long as I get up. 

Hitting the sack. 

<3 

OMG.

I will have a very busy week this week so I decided to write something down before it all got too nuts.

Tomorrow I will drive to Care Drive. And watch someone give Care to dental patients. Watching these people at work makes me realize all of medicine, and dentistry, is both art and science. And that is cool.

I'm making plans with a few HS friends. I still haven't gone to the What Cafe. And I should. I also want to see a movie with another friend, and I want to have lunch at Einstein with a friend from middle school (crazy, right?) and see Caroline and Emily H before I head back to Gainesville. And go to Canada. But my dad has to be okay with going to Canada, specifically Montreal and Toronto. I'd really like to go on a walking tour and see the old city, go to the museum of fine arts, possibly a wine tasting/evening of other elegant things, and see some of the eco/biodomes. And of course in Toronto the CN tower and Hockey hall of fame, though I don't care too much for hockey. What I'd really like to do is go to Italy, but seeing the Amanda Knox story kind of freaks me out. And besides, I only have a week to get back in the swing and then it's Gainesville again, so I can't really change any time zones.

My dad got an offer from a Scottish university for a consulting/summertime position on a three year contract and he is considering it, which I am sort of surprised by. He's long had the chance to move from FSU-----in fact, for a while during the eighth grade I wasn't sure if I was going to go to Chiles because my dad had gotten a good offer from University of Nebraska-Lincoln. When I was much younger, he got offers in New Zealand to teach, but he didn't look twice. And now he is considering it, largely because I am out of the house. I'm not opposed to spending part of my summer in Europe next year, but he of course has to want the job first. I'm not sure how I'd feel, though, if he decided to just take off and live there. I don't think my mom would be very happy with him. She's gotten too used to the US.

Orgo is going all right, though I could have done better on the first exam than I did . As long as I maintain the job and improve steadily, I should be okay. And so should schools for my taking it not at UF (I called.)

Those orgo problems are really long.

As a completely neutral transient FSU student from UF, I am slowly observing the differences between the two schools.
FSU:
-I haven't really eaten campus food that many times, since I just go to my dad's office during lunch. But overall, the food looks better and more varied than UF food, and the union is less limited.
-The FSU union has a nightclub. UF's union doesn't. I guess Orange and Brew could come close, but not really.
-Faculty are much nicer and more willing to help you here, but department staff are some of the rudest I've met in my entire life.
-That Tallahassee "I don't get paid" look? It starts with students here. Therefore, the students here are generally not as nice, even if they don't know that you go to UF (actually, some were nicer when they found out I went to UF). Thankfully, there have been exceptions.
-Orgo 2 lab is even worse to get at FSU than it is at UF. And I think chemistry departments should make it a rule that if you're in lecture, you absolutely have to be in lab.
-FSU campus is way more up and down.
-Honors people at UF get close to nothing. FSU honors students at least get some preferences.
-There is more to do in Tallahassee. Period.

To-do/Thoughts

1) Talk to/negotiate with FSU
2) Schedule a meetup time with Varshini so I definitely get into orgo 2 and the lab
3) Call LCHD. I don't care if I get stuck with children over the summer so long as I have some experience. Kids do make me very squeamish, but I have to get over that.
4) Buy books.
5) Let Alex see this blog.

2/5 done. Well, really, 1/5 since half of each one is done. It will be 3/5 tomorrow.

Step it up, up, up.

The base of my new set of posts

Alex asked me to make a blog about my summer escapades in Tallahassee with organic chem and life on the molar express. At some point, I'll retitle this and then categorize posts into school and work since I'd rather not give up blogger. After what I've been through this year, it will be kind of refreshing to go back home even for only a few months. I will say, though, that all of this has made me a more accepting person. And hopefully, I'll turn out the better for it.